Alone
by HorusSnitch
Summary: Remus is having a bad day and Tonks tries to comfort him.


Morning, Diagon Alley.

"You look familiar" the salesclerk was staring at him, "For Merlin's sake! It cannot be _you!"_

_And, here it comes. _He closed his eyes, knowing exactly what was about to happen.

"How dare you be in here, in my shop, surrounded by normal wizards? Go away, you beast! Creatures like _you_ shouldn't exist! We should be allowed to kill you all! That's what _you_ deserve!"

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, sir. I will leave right now. Good morning." he whispered.

With his head down, and his hands in his pockets, he left the store. Before he could mingle with the crowd in Diagon Alley, he ran into Molly Weasley. They only shared a smile – times what they were, the members of the Order had to be very careful while in public. She got into the same store he had just left - while the salesclerk was still complaining about what had just happened- and he kept his way to what had become his home.

* * *

><p>Evening, 12 Grimmauld Place.<p>

He was sitting alone on the bench in the back yard. He wanted, or was it needed? he wasn't sure which, to be alone. _That's what I deserve; nobody should be any near me. _The house was full of people, and yet he didn't dare go inside.

"So, here you are!" before he looked up he knew who it was. _She's got such a charming voice _"I know I'm a danger to be around, but you don't need to hide from me, Remus." _And she's so cheerful; exactly why she shouldn't be around me._

Tonks came to sit right next to him, really close, more than she had intended to in the first place, but neither of them minded, not even him.

"I just needed to think." he smiled weakly.

"You think way too much." she laughed nudging him playfully and he chuckled.

Then, silence. He didn't feel like talking, not even to her – given the circumstances, _especially _not to her. Tonks knew what was troubling him – at first, she didn't dare to say it out loud for fear it would upset him even more, but she couldn't just stay there watching him suffer.

"Remus" he didn't expect her to speak again in the middle of the silence they had fallen into, "Are you okay? You seem really down today."

_Down? Well, it was a way to put it… _"I just need some time alone, don't worry." he said looking back to the grass.

"Is it about what happened this morning?" he quickly raised his head to look at her.

"Molly, right?" she wasn't exactly planning on telling him how she had found out, but she nodded, "I should have suspected it." he took a few seconds to think what to say next and how to do it "It's not _exactly_ what happened this morning… It's more complicated, but I'm alright, really, as I said, I only need some time alone, you don't have to come here make me feel better, even if Molly sent you."

She felt a little disappointed. _Does he really think I would only come to talk to him if Molly sent me?_

"Molly didn't send me, Remus; I just saw you from the window and thought maybe you wanted company or needed to talk." she said smiling sadly.

"I don't want your pity." he was looking to the grass again. _Least of all from you- I probably don't even deserve it._

Luckily, she knew him well enough – it was in moments like this that he most needed someone with him. She put her hand on the back of his neck. Remus then raised his head, looking at her as if he wanted to apologize for being so rude, but he just couldn't. There was so much pain in his eyes she couldn't hold it. She put her other hand on his cheek, as if drying all those unshed tears he was holding.

"I am here, Remus, whenever you need me."

"I know, Tonks, I know." _But I don't deserve you help, I don't deserve you._

She wanted to comfort him somehow, and the next moment she was hugging him, with all her self. _What am I doing? He probably feels more uncomfortable now._

But he didn't – he obviously hadn't expected that and for a second he just froze. _She shouldn't even be here… _But he had wished for something like that to happen for months, so he took a deep breath and hugged her close.

And then, just as she felt his hands on her back, before she could even think what she was doing she said something she had been hiding for quite some time.

"I love you, Remus."

Tonks only realized what she had just whispered when she felt him tense up and swallow hard. _What did I do?_ She was feeling like that for some time, but she wasn't exactly planning on telling him, let alone _at that moment_ when he was so upset. She didn't dare to move a single finger – she was afraid of what his reaction might be.

_It… it cannot be. She doesn't mean that, she cannot be honest. Maybe I just heard what I wanted to hear… _He then let go of her and with all his will dared to look into her eyes. There was no doubt – the longing, the hope, the love he saw there. She had been completely honest. He tried to speak a couple of times, but he just couldn't find the words.

"I know I shouldn't have said that, especially not today, I'm so sorry, but now I can't take it back… I said it and, it's true, Remus, I love you." she said it trembling and getting redder by the second.

"You shouldn't, Dora, you shouldn't love someone like me." it was the very first time he called her that – well, at least out loud. He looked so sad and hurt at that moment. She had expected him to react in so many different ways, but that wasn't one of the options she had considered.

"Excuse me? Why do you think I shouldn't love _you_?" she didn't know if she felt angry, disappointed, surprised, foolish…

_No, not today I can't have this conversation right now. _All this time he had been afraid of rejection but he had never expected this to _really_ happen, he could only dream of it and now that it was real it was even scarier than rejection.

"You really don't see it? I'm a monster, Dora, nobody should ever be around me, I'm dangerous! And I'm old, much older than you. And, oh yes! I haven't got a penny to my name. Isn't that enough?"

"Okay, Remus, why are you making up all those stupid excuses? Why don't you just say you don't love me?" it hurt, it was really hurting her. She never expected him to love her, but it was actually happening the pain was real.

"I can't say that." it was only a whisper she barely heard and he spoke as if he couldn't fight anymore, as if something inside him was starting to break. But still, it took her a couple of seconds to register what he had said and realize what he meant by that. He was smiling shyly. Her heart was beating fast and for a second she felt pure happiness. _This can't be happening to me. He… We… I could only dream of this and now it's real!_

"But" he raised his hand and was now looking at her very seriously, "that doesn't mean what I said before is not true. I'm too old for you, I have no future, no stability to give you and I'm a dangerous monster; you deserve so much better. I _can't_ condemn you to a life with me."

"What? Did you just hear what you're saying? You can't tell me you really believe that bullshit you just said." he put his head on his hands desperately; _I can't do this, she will never understand._ But she _did_ understand, she just wouldn't give up so easily. "Listen to me just for a second. If you don't feel the same about me, it's okay, I'm a big girl, I can take it but don't make up those ridiculous excuses, because you're a wonderful man, not a monster who deserves death as many try to state. It's true you're _older _but I still fell in love with you; that should tell you something. And what if you can't give me stability? Who can during a war?" she then put a hand on his cheek, and he felt it again – something was breaking inside him. Remus took a deep breath, and looked at her in the eye sheepishly. "I know you'll come to your senses sooner or later and realize those excuses are useless."

They were so close now that she couldn't help leaning forward and softly pressing her lips to his. When he realized what she was about to do, he panicked, but as he felt her lips on his he stopped thinking and closed his eyes, giving into the sensation. And then it was over; she pulled away, smiling, caressing his cheek with her thumb.

"I know you will." and with that she stood up and left.

Remus stayed on the bench alone again, feeling how the walls he had built over the years to keep people away from him slowly started to collapse.


End file.
